Re-training Mom

April 25, 2014 § Leave a comment


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As I mentioned, Mom is now freelancing full-time as a graphic artist and web designer. But after years of trying to balance both a job and all the side stuff, she is really having to work at adjust to this new lifestyle. Don’t tell anyone, but she does a lot of walking around talking to herself and asking things like “what was I going to do next?” and “where did I leave my phone?” She is, como se dice, discombobulated. Look it up. I just added her picture on Wikipedia for clarification. But don’t tell her that either.

So ultra perceptive Chica that I am, I figured this was a great opportunity to turn into MY opportunity. You see, Mom has been muy busy for a couple of years trying to build up her business. And well, I don’t feel I have been appropriately pampered in the meantime. Mucho work = muy poco time for the Chica. Ah, it seems like ages, but I still remember the days of pretty dresses and fashion shows, public outings where I signed autographs and visited with my fans. Oh, and the treats! The treats that came so easily just for pure cuteness. I never had to jump through so many hoops, stare so intensely and incessantly at her noggin to get through to her, or come up with ever more clever ways to get a certain distracted someone’s attention as I’ve had to these past year and a half.

But, Chicos, it is a new day, isn’t it. (Bwahahaha!!! Insert villainous laugh here.) And here is how I see it going, de aqui pa’lante:

  1. Open eyes = rub my tummy and tell me what a precious princess I am. (Please allow a 1/2 hour minimum)
  2. Get up, (yes, you may grab your slippers if you must) then carry me to the kitchen to serve me breakfast first.
  3. Cafe, no doubt, but go ahead and start getting my Cheerios ready while you wait. You know I need my fiber to maintain este cuerpo.
  4. Lanai time to commune with nature. I get the lap to oversee the operations; cats get the lizards. (Please allow a 1/2 hour minimum)
  5. Dishes, email, blah-blah-blah … then mid-morning snack! I can get the catos to help with this one. They are simple-minded, easy to train creatures of habit like my human. I already have them stalking her in the kitchen and tackling her if she does not comply.
  6. Mom works, I get nappy time :)
  7. Lunch time = more snacks for moi. Carrots and oh, I don’t know, maybe nibbles of what ever you are eating. A chica’s work is never done. She did say she wanted to lose a couple of pounds ;) didn’t she?
  8. More cafe, more lap time. Mom needs to learn to pace herself. (Please allow a 1/2 hour minimum)
  9. OK, back to work, but first I need to be tenderly propped on my sidekick-ottoman next to her computer chair and appropriately wrapped in my fluffy blanket. From there I conduct my eyes-closed “surveillance” duty, policing any movement along the casa. It is part of my Jedi Chica training. No questions, ask you may.
  10. Catos usually get a little pesky sometime around mid-afternoon, so Mom must let them back out to the lanai for more “hunting” practice (like the lizards don’t have it figured out by now). Silly cats. But we all get some fresh air. Que nice.
  11. More work, with regular petting of my belly. But by 5:30pm, my belly is too stimulated and starts to demand more attention. Is it dinner time? No? Well, I disagree. Please serve.
  12. 5:45, Dad gets home. But he may not realize I have already eaten. (Bwahahaha!!! Insert villainous laugh here too.)
  13. Around 6:30 I give them a break so they can eat. But I always offer to help “clean up” ;)
  14. Walk time!!!!! Much more on that to come, but suffice it to say that there are always treats after I “do” what I am supposed to “do” outside like a good Chica.
  15. 7:30pm, humans getting old now, will settle for DVR shows and a quiet evening =  unlimited lap time until I get carried off to bed.

Not a bad day’s work is it? Let me know if you need any tips on human conditioning training. Always glad to help my amigos.

Hola, my Chihuahua amigos!

April 25, 2014 § 2 Comments


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Chanel, la Chica, has mucho to say

Yes, as I am sure you will agree, I think it is high time that I am back! My Mom has been muy busy with her design business, pero I think I must now put my delicate paw down and demand some attention, for the sake of my devoted fans, that is. I’d be too demure and humble to insist just for myself ;)

Where to begin?! It has been a long time, so rather than overwhelm you with my cuentos of woe, let me just say I am now living with three (Dios mio, yes 3!!) cato brothers: El viejo Tigger, my returned instrument of torture, Fernando, and the new fiend extraordinaire, Francisco. As you can imagine, nobody asked the Chica. And I am somewhat convinced that my Mom has finally lost her last marble. But what can a little Chica like me do? … Familia therapy, mijitos!

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El viejo Tigger

El Loco, Fernando

El Loco, Fernando

Francisco

Francisco (the jury is still out on this one, but I am thinking he was dropped on his head as a kitty)

So as part of my, er I mean, our therapy, I am making Madre keep up with this blog again. It is the least she can do to make up for the insulto (… tres gatos …estara loca esta mujer … que @!&^#$*!)  Wait, no, back to my happy place, back to my happy place – AyyyyyyOmmmmm!

Bueno, that is all for now. More to come later after my pedicure (another atonement effort)! Hola and adios, amigos!

 

 

What next for the Chihuahua?

October 4, 2013 § Leave a comment


20131004-235417.jpgNo vote was taken. The mangy critter was staying. Tigger and I needed to resolve ourselves to deal with the infiltrator. And just before the girl went back to school that fateful fall, we found out that the furry, uninvited guest now known as Fernando, was named after her favorite futbol star. Funny, little did we all know that soon the cute little precious would grow up into a beastie and start tackling us and playing foul with us just for fun. Stinker would have been more appropriate!

Everyone believed Fernando would settle down eventually. But as the weeks passed, NADA changed. His favorite pastimes? Wrestling poor Tigger, who is no spring chicken. And then there was the chase the Chihuahua, pounce and chew on her butt. Nope, this Chico may have been pretty to look at, but the hombre had a fickle streak, and muchos tricks up his sleeves. Que cute, my foot!
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(Looks so innocent! Yeah, right!)

Oh, and hang on to your pantalones, turned out he even liked to eat Cheerios! My Cheerios!! What was this world coming to when even a Chica’s morning ritual “fetching” of the Cheerios was no longer sacred! Ay, Dios!

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Look! Evidence: Hit and run! Call my lawyer!!!

Here comes mucho trouble

September 30, 2013 § Leave a comment


20130930-173930.jpgSo where did I leave off. Oh, yes, two frisky interlopers in the garage. Ole Tigger and I were OK about the little catos so long as they stayed out there. But my gut (which I always listen to and lead my life by) told me there was muchos problemas ahead. And sure enough, after the deworming and “fixing” (not a pretty picture), the catos were ready to “integrate.” Tigger did his best to hiss and growl to tell the Mama we were not muy happy about this. And Mama did find one of the critter a new familia to live with. But a certain fiend got under our girl’s skin and soon was christened Fernando Glynn.

I did not attend (or support) the festivities. We read the contract and found out it was temporary for the girl’s last year of college. Then she would take him. Gracias, Jesus!! How bad could it be, right? Just put up with the new stinky Cato for a year? We could handle it … Or so we thought …

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Maybe it was the look in his eyes that told me, “Ay, caramba, here comes trouble!”

Oh, oh, infiltrators in the Chihuahua’s casa

September 18, 2013 § 1 Comment


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Oh, my friends, I know I have been way too quiet, absent all together, really. I’ll need to catch you all up on a whole lot. But listen to my tale and you’ll not only forgive the Chica, but you’ll understand the whackiness of the twilight zone I’ve been caught in. It all began about a year ago …

I guess you could say I was sleeping on the job that night, but all seemed quiet on the prairie and it was 1:30 am! Way past my bedtime. When apparently, in the dead of night, two infiltrators snuck onto this Chica’s territory. And Mama being a softie, she fell for their sad mewing and big shinning, pitiful eyes. Oh, the poor things (right?!!!!!!) pathetic!!

But before I could say, “uno momento, por favor,” Mama and her accomplices (the kids) where out there on the front walk trying to lure the skittish, frightened and “helpless” little creatures. Aww, they they looked so scrawny. They must be starving. How long had the poor dears been out there all alone?

Ole Tigger and I soon caught on to what was going on just outside the door. OK, so we had gotten to the Alamo stand a little slow and it was already looking bad for the home team. But it WAS late as I said and we were half asleep. Tigger glared fiercely out the window while I started barking trying to shoo the mangy things away from my property, but all I ended up doing was waking Dad up. He came to see what all the ruckus was about so I figured he would take our side and we’d stand our ground together. But he took one look outside, sighed deeply, shook his head in defeat and went back to bed. What?!?!

Whoosh! They captured the first critter. You could say he was the less bright of them two geniuses. Throw a little food out, wave a little twig and GOTCHA! Seriously dude, you fell for that? So much for survival instinct. Off he was whisked into the garage. Hey, maybe it would be OK, so long as they stayed out there and did not infiltrate the casa we could work out some territorial arrangement.

Seeing what happened to his bro, the other pesky critter caught on quick. He scooted into the bushes and stared suspiciously at the humans trying to soothe him and con him out. There were a couple of forays into the open and failed attempts at grabbing the biestie, but the varmit was too slick and fast. However, Mama is nothing if not determined and patient. She just sat out there pretending not to care and playing with the food and the twigs, with an “innocent” looking towel just laying there. I gave up on the barking, both because Dad was threatening to throw a shoe at me and because this was actually becoming an entertaining spectacle, a true showdown if not at high noon.

As I could have told the silly cato, eventually that patience and the Mama won out. On the third pass near arm’s reach, Mama struck out like lightning and houdinied the cat into the towel where the flailing and slashing was soon contained.

Off to the garage went little Cato number two. Mama and her crew set up some rudimentary accommodations — water, food and a litter box. So OK, I thought, as only the approved individuals came back inside and everyone agreed to go to bed. We’d all gather like sensible family members and discuss what to do with the refugees in the mañana. Humph!!! You bet your frijoles we would.

Nobody asked me!

May 21, 2013 § Leave a comment


Are you thinking it has been too quiet on the Chihuahua from western Florida front? Well, amigos, you are right. But actually much has been happening in the last year. It is the Chica that has had a little trouble keeping up. But you’ll soon understand. Allow me to catch you up with my cuento …

You see, there came a new Cato to town. “Que?!?” You say? Well, so did I! But I am getting ahead of myself. Let me tell you the story from way back when all this madness began. My therapist says it will help me “process.” Si, como no! Right?

As you might imagine, were having a great summer. The kids came home from college. We laughed, we played, there was mucho belly rubbing and chihuahua adoration during family movie nights. I was in my glory, soaking it all in and trying to forget that August would ever come around. The familia went on a couple of summer trips to which I was not invited (still working on forgiveness for those) but they came back to me every time and made up for leaving me behind with extra treats and scratchies.

Unfortunately, time does fly when la Chica is having fun and before we knew it we were packing the kids up to go back to college. Can you believe it? Our girl was going to be a senior, our boy a sophomore already!

But just as August came and the unavoidable sadness began to descend upon the household, POW, there came what will forever be known as the Cat-tastrophe of 2012. Stay tuned for more episodes of the tail that would not quit … Ferrrrrrrrrnando.

Happy Father’s Day, to my Papi

June 16, 2012 § 3 Comments


Father's Day tie for a chihuahua's daddyTo the guy who:
Keeps my belly scratches going until mom gets home.

Sneaks me tidbits when he is carving that yummilicious rotisserie chicken.

Lifts me up onto the couch (and eventually his lap) when I give him that pitiful look and no one is watching.

Puts up with me walking all over the bed (and him) in the middle of the night looking for a warm and cozy spot to snuggle into.

I tried to find the perfect gift for the perfect Daddy. I dragged Mama out, far and wide. You know how picky I can be. But alas, nothing seemed to capture just how I feel about you. Nothing would do.

So I enlisted Mama’s help to make you something truly ESPECIAL for you. I picked your (OK one of my favorite) colors. I packed a lot of love into every stitch and bedazzle. Mucho bling for my Papi!

I hope you like it. Now you can be a real knight in “shinning” armor for all to see. And I hope you know how much I love you.

Muchos kisses,

Your little Chica

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