Re-training Mom

As I mentioned, Mom is now freelancing full-time as a graphic artist and web designer. But after years of trying to balance both a job and all the side stuff, she is really having to work at adjust to this new lifestyle. Don’t tell anyone, but she does a lot of walking around talking to herself and asking things like “what was I going to do next?” and “where did I leave my phone?” She is, como se dice, discombobulated. Look it up. I just added her picture on Wikipedia for clarification. But don’t tell her that either.

So ultra perceptive Chica that I am, I figured this was a great opportunity to turn into MY opportunity. You see, Mom has been muy busy for a couple of years trying to build up her business. And well, I don’t feel I have been appropriately pampered in the meantime. Mucho work = muy poco time for the Chica. Ah, it seems like ages, but I still remember the days of pretty dresses and fashion shows, public outings where I signed autographs and visited with my fans. Oh, and the treats! The treats that came so easily just for pure cuteness. I never had to jump through so many hoops, stare so intensely and incessantly at her noggin to get through to her, or come up with ever more clever ways to get a certain distracted someone’s attention as I’ve had to these past year and a half.

But, Chicos, it is a new day, isn’t it. (Bwahahaha!!! Insert villainous laugh here.) And here is how I see it going, de aqui pa’lante:

1. Open eyes = rub my tummy and tell me what a precious princess I am. (Please allow a 1/2 hour minimum)
2. Get up, (yes, you may grab your slippers if you must) then carry me to the kitchen to serve me breakfast first.
3. Cafe, no doubt, but go ahead and start getting my Cheerios ready while you wait. You know I need my fiber to maintain este cuerpo.
4. Lanai time to commune with nature. I get the lap to oversee the operations; cats get the lizards. (Please allow a 1/2 hour minimum)
5. Dishes, email, blah-blah-blah … then mid-morning snack! I can get the catos to help with this one. They are simple-minded, easy to train creatures of habit like my human. I already have them stalking her in the kitchen and tackling her if she does not comply.
6. Mom works, I get nappy time 🙂
7. Lunch time = more snacks for moi. Carrots and oh, I don’t know, maybe nibbles of what ever you are eating. A chica’s work is never done. She did say she wanted to lose a couple of pounds 😉 didn’t she?
8. More cafe, more lap time. Mom needs to learn to pace herself. (Please allow a 1/2 hour minimum)
9. OK, back to work, but first I need to be tenderly propped on my sidekick-ottoman next to her computer chair and appropriately wrapped in my fluffy blanket. From there I conduct my eyes-closed “surveillance” duty, policing any movement along the casa. It is part of my Jedi Chica training. No questions, ask you may.
10. Catos usually get a little pesky sometime around mid-afternoon, so Mom must let them back out to the lanai for more “hunting” practice (like the lizards don’t have it figured out by now). Silly cats. But we all get some fresh air. Que nice.
11. More work, with regular petting of my belly. But by 5:30pm, my belly is too stimulated and starts to demand more attention. Is it dinner time? No? Well, I disagree. Please serve.
12. 5:45, Dad gets home. But he may not realize I have already eaten. (Bwahahaha!!! Insert villainous laugh here too.)
13. Around 6:30 I give them a break so they can eat. But I always offer to help “clean up” 😉
14. Walk time!!!!! Much more on that to come, but suffice it to say that there are always treats after I “do” what I am supposed to “do” outside like a good Chica.
15. 7:30pm, humans getting old now, will settle for DVR shows and a quiet evening =  unlimited lap time until I get carried off to bed.

Not a bad day’s work is it? Let me know if you need any tips on human conditioning training. Always glad to help my amigos.

Hola, my Chihuahua amigos!

Chanel, la Chica, has mucho to say

Yes, as I am sure you will agree, I think it is high time that I am back! My Mom has been muy busy with her design business, pero I think I must now put my delicate paw down and demand some attention, for the sake of my devoted fans, that is. I’d be too demure and humble to insist just for myself 😉

Where to begin?! It has been a long time, so rather than overwhelm you with my cuentos of woe, let me just say I am now living with three (Dios mio, yes 3!!) cato brothers: El viejo Tigger, my returned instrument of torture, Fernando, and the new fiend extraordinaire, Francisco. As you can imagine, nobody asked the Chica. And I am somewhat convinced that my Mom has finally lost her last marble. But what can a little Chica like me do? … Familia therapy, mijitos!

El viejo Tigger

El Loco, Fernando

Francisco (the jury is still out on this one, but I am thinking he was dropped on his head as a kitty)

So as part of my, er I mean, our therapy, I am making Madre keep up with this blog again. It is the least she can do to make up for the insulto (… tres gatos …estara loca esta mujer … que @!&^#$*!)  Wait, no, back to my happy place, back to my happy place – AyyyyyyOmmmmm!

Bueno, that is all for now. More to come later after my pedicure (another atonement effort)! Hola and adios, amigos!

 

 

What next for the Chihuahua?

No vote was taken. The mangy critter was staying. Tigger and I needed to resolve ourselves to deal with the infiltrator. And just before the girl went back to school that fateful fall, we found out that the furry, uninvited guest now known as Fernando, was named after her favorite futbol star. Funny, little did we all know that soon the cute little precious would grow up into a beastie and start tackling us and playing foul with us just for fun. Stinker would have been more appropriate!

Everyone believed Fernando would settle down eventually. But as the weeks passed, NADA changed. His favorite pastimes? Wrestling poor Tigger, who is no spring chicken. And then there was the chase the Chihuahua, pounce and chew on her butt. Nope, this Chico may have been pretty to look at, but the hombre had a fickle streak, and muchos tricks up his sleeves. Que cute, my foot!

(Looks so innocent! Yeah, right!)

Oh, and hang on to your pantalones, turned out he even liked to eat Cheerios! My Cheerios!! What was this world coming to when even a Chica’s morning ritual “fetching” of the Cheerios was no longer sacred! Ay, Dios!

Look! Evidence: Hit and run! Call my lawyer!!!