Re-training Mom

April 25, 2014 § Leave a comment


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As I mentioned, Mom is now freelancing full-time as a graphic artist and web designer. But after years of trying to balance both a job and all the side stuff, she is really having to work at adjust to this new lifestyle. Don’t tell anyone, but she does a lot of walking around talking to herself and asking things like “what was I going to do next?” and “where did I leave my phone?” She is, como se dice, discombobulated. Look it up. I just added her picture on Wikipedia for clarification. But don’t tell her that either.

So ultra perceptive Chica that I am, I figured this was a great opportunity to turn into MY opportunity. You see, Mom has been muy busy for a couple of years trying to build up her business. And well, I don’t feel I have been appropriately pampered in the meantime. Mucho work = muy poco time for the Chica. Ah, it seems like ages, but I still remember the days of pretty dresses and fashion shows, public outings where I signed autographs and visited with my fans. Oh, and the treats! The treats that came so easily just for pure cuteness. I never had to jump through so many hoops, stare so intensely and incessantly at her noggin to get through to her, or come up with ever more clever ways to get a certain distracted someone’s attention as I’ve had to these past year and a half.

But, Chicos, it is a new day, isn’t it. (Bwahahaha!!! Insert villainous laugh here.) And here is how I see it going, de aqui pa’lante:

  1. Open eyes = rub my tummy and tell me what a precious princess I am. (Please allow a 1/2 hour minimum)
  2. Get up, (yes, you may grab your slippers if you must) then carry me to the kitchen to serve me breakfast first.
  3. Cafe, no doubt, but go ahead and start getting my Cheerios ready while you wait. You know I need my fiber to maintain este cuerpo.
  4. Lanai time to commune with nature. I get the lap to oversee the operations; cats get the lizards. (Please allow a 1/2 hour minimum)
  5. Dishes, email, blah-blah-blah … then mid-morning snack! I can get the catos to help with this one. They are simple-minded, easy to train creatures of habit like my human. I already have them stalking her in the kitchen and tackling her if she does not comply.
  6. Mom works, I get nappy time 🙂
  7. Lunch time = more snacks for moi. Carrots and oh, I don’t know, maybe nibbles of what ever you are eating. A chica’s work is never done. She did say she wanted to lose a couple of pounds 😉 didn’t she?
  8. More cafe, more lap time. Mom needs to learn to pace herself. (Please allow a 1/2 hour minimum)
  9. OK, back to work, but first I need to be tenderly propped on my sidekick-ottoman next to her computer chair and appropriately wrapped in my fluffy blanket. From there I conduct my eyes-closed “surveillance” duty, policing any movement along the casa. It is part of my Jedi Chica training. No questions, ask you may.
  10. Catos usually get a little pesky sometime around mid-afternoon, so Mom must let them back out to the lanai for more “hunting” practice (like the lizards don’t have it figured out by now). Silly cats. But we all get some fresh air. Que nice.
  11. More work, with regular petting of my belly. But by 5:30pm, my belly is too stimulated and starts to demand more attention. Is it dinner time? No? Well, I disagree. Please serve.
  12. 5:45, Dad gets home. But he may not realize I have already eaten. (Bwahahaha!!! Insert villainous laugh here too.)
  13. Around 6:30 I give them a break so they can eat. But I always offer to help “clean up” 😉
  14. Walk time!!!!! Much more on that to come, but suffice it to say that there are always treats after I “do” what I am supposed to “do” outside like a good Chica.
  15. 7:30pm, humans getting old now, will settle for DVR shows and a quiet evening =  unlimited lap time until I get carried off to bed.

Not a bad day’s work is it? Let me know if you need any tips on human conditioning training. Always glad to help my amigos.

Happy Father’s Day, to my Papi

June 16, 2012 § 3 Comments


Father's Day tie for a chihuahua's daddyTo the guy who:
Keeps my belly scratches going until mom gets home.

Sneaks me tidbits when he is carving that yummilicious rotisserie chicken.

Lifts me up onto the couch (and eventually his lap) when I give him that pitiful look and no one is watching.

Puts up with me walking all over the bed (and him) in the middle of the night looking for a warm and cozy spot to snuggle into.

I tried to find the perfect gift for the perfect Daddy. I dragged Mama out, far and wide. You know how picky I can be. But alas, nothing seemed to capture just how I feel about you. Nothing would do.

So I enlisted Mama’s help to make you something truly ESPECIAL for you. I picked your (OK one of my favorite) colors. I packed a lot of love into every stitch and bedazzle. Mucho bling for my Papi!

I hope you like it. Now you can be a real knight in “shinning” armor for all to see. And I hope you know how much I love you.

Muchos kisses,

Your little Chica

Mama says the Chihuahua is a little “pushy”? I don’t beg, but I do differ!!

February 21, 2012 § 5 Comments


Chanel the ChihuahuaWisdom Diva "talks"Moi? Oh, no-no-no, Chica! “Assertive” or maybe “naturally confident” would be a fairer description. If you check my contract (ahem, again), you’ll see my “entitlements” clearly listed – Princess in residence will have her way. But let’s be reasonable. Think of it. This little noggin can only hold sooooo much greatness. I must express my amazing mind. It is never good to staunch the gift of a creative genius or hold one’s feelings inside. (Isn’t that the point of this blog?)

So, Mama, don’t judge. Simply accept the little gift that is ME. To make it easier for you to understand my “terms,” let us review un poco:

  • one short loud bark = “Hello?!?!?! Pay attention, please.”
  • whine, whine = “Walk time, NOW!”
  • whine, bark = “Treat? Or to be more precise: TREAT!!”
  • yip, yip, stamping of feet = “Sit down, woman. It is lap time.”
  • snort, snort, hrmph = “OK, OK. The Cato can sit on your lap too.”
  • whine, whine, grrrrrrrrrrrr… = “Time for bed already, chica. Let’s go!”
  • whine, whine, push push = “I’m going under the blanket NOW so move over.”

You see? I DO make myself quite clear, Mama. You listen, life is peachy. I am not pushy, I am a Chihuahua — short, sweet and to the point!

The Chihuahua wonders never cease

January 31, 2012 § 1 Comment


Mama often wonders, “if a Cheerio falls in the forest, will the Chihuahua hear it.” Of course I know this because as I’ve explained, I can read her mind.

Oh, my dear Mama, the answer is quite simple, really, even for human comprehension. Of course I do with my keen ultrasonic hearing, the latest and greatest in technology provided by nature. Move over, sharkies, there is a new highly developed, exceptionally equipped and capable species on this planet, and I’m here to stay!

It is with that same technology that I know if an intruder even thinks of coming close to Casa Chanel uninvited. Not one cucaracha dare defy me!

It is how I know when and where every food particle lands in my territory (kitchen.) That coupled with my keen olfactory talents and my better-than-any-overblown-elephant’s memory is why I always know when there is a runaway Cheerio under the couch.

But more importantly, my amazing hearing is how I can detect the slightest disruption the very second your heart skips a beat because you are sad and missing the kids. After all, that is my ultimate purpose in life, to be here for you when you need love, always.

Now don’t argue! I know you may not remember, but you will move the couch because I am never wrong about my Cheerios. And I am also always hungry!

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Dr. Chihuahua to the rescue

January 12, 2012 § 1 Comment


Amigos, I am my sad to report that we are definitely suffering from post holiday “yuckies” – also knows as UGHs (in capital letters) – here at la Casa Chanel. And it eeeeez a very serious epidemic! Mama has it. Dad has it. Even el Cato is dragging his nasty mop of a tail around here. As for me, I’ve been valiantly fighting it, but sigh … how much can a Chica bear?!?!

The Chicos are gone away back to college. Mama is back to icky “works” full time so no more extra lap time for me. All the special holiday meals (and the bonus crumbs on the kitchen floor that accompanied those) are over with. Now the humans are trying to recover from the excesses and have reduced their dinners to SOUP! Que es eso? That is not even real food!!!

Oh, and, wait for it … MY beautiful sparkly tree in the living room, also had to go!! I’ll admit it WAS looking a little worn out and brown, but it was mine! All mine!!!

There is a definite cloud of gloom around here. But never you worry. I heard the bat-eared signal!! You know la Super Chica is on the case! She can leap from ottomans to couches, out run at least the pesky cato, and use her super telepathic powers of persuasion to conquer the strongest human mind! You know la Super Chica is the heroine in her tale (no tail jokes, please), ever ready to spring into action to save the frijoles!

So my super strategic plan is a full force, Chihuahua love-packed intervention. We must immediately jump into “empty nest” bootcamp retraining for the Mama so she won’t be so sad. I miss the chicos too, you know. Still, she has me and I should be more than capable of capturing her whole attention and keeping her quite busy. A little indoctrination in the ways of the Chihuahua is in order. Wouldn’t you say ;)?

La Super Chica to the rescue! And awayyyyyyyyy

Feliz New Year, Amigos!!

December 31, 2011 § 1 Comment


Happy New Year, my dear amigos. It has been a great year of change at Casa Chanel: Kids are both off to college; Empty nest adjustments with cleaning out, furniture rearrangements and simplifying things for us all; Mama and her partner, Aunt Tracey, started a new company that is sure to skyrocket in the coming year and impact lots of kids; Dad got new glasses with progressive-lenses so we are all staying out from underfoot (his foot!) at least; and we got some gizmo called a “blueray” (does that go well with tortillas?) that gets “wifi” (that sounds like it tickles) so the peeps are enjoying more movies at home and quality time together (with extra lap time for la Chica. Viva el blueray!)

Here’s hoping 2012 is a year full of hope, love and happiness for all of you. And to get us started on the right paw, I will make some resolutions/predictions:

  1. More walks and exercise better be in my future (ahem … oh, Mama!!!!!!) The Chica’s waistline will not improve on good intentions and baby carrots alone.
  2. More “public appearances” for the Chica. My fans here in the neighborhood are under control (scary grrrrrrrs, I’m watching you!) and I’m ready for fame and fortune. Maybe we’ll make it to Bark World this year! WooHoo!!
  3. More giving back. No, I don’t mean the obvious! I mean getting involved and helping those in need. I’ll be looking for some causes. Suggestions are welcome, amigos.
  4. More blog posts from la Chica (ahem … oh, Mama!!!!!!) We all understood the “dark period” while Mama was muy busy working on her book and educational products, but the world also needs a steady dose of Chihuahua Wisdom to continue to evolve.

And now for a nice siesta, err, I mean, some deep reflection 😉

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Mucho love and keeeeesses to my familia and amigos. And Cin-Cin!!

The Chihuahua that almost ate Christmas

December 21, 2011 § 5 Comments


I just love all the excitement around the house at Christmas time. Mom, Dad and the kids go around decorating everything with pretty and sparkly things. The humans even bring a tree inside at my Casa! I say every dog needs their own tree — to chase squirrels up to (or maybe pesky catos, heh, heh); to rest by at the end of a good day’s labor (napping, er, I mean guarding the Casa all day); and, oooooooh, to explore the marvelous smells of nature! Every sniff is a new mystery that the Chica must investigate!

And the familia always has a great time setting the tree up. The kids each have special ornaments that they always put on the tree. Mama made the angel back when she and Dad first celebrated Christmas together. And Dad always reminds the Cato and I that we are not “allowed” to nap on the velvety tree skirt (sure, sure 😉 )

Christmas at Casa Chanel

Ah, these traditions always bring fond memories of Christmases past, in particular, my very first Christmas …

You see, there is this little lamb that came with the Nativity scene that Mama carefully puts out every year underneath the Christmas tree. I didn’t know it then, but it is the first Nativity scene she bought when she moved away from home. And well, though it is a little plastic lamb, it looked delectable to me then. Still does. So when all the peeps were looking the other way, I made my lightning-speed, precision attack and snatched that puppy up. I should have known better, but I was young and impulsive in those days. And I hadn’t learned just how much these precious traditions mean to my peeps.

I slunk off in my finest stealth mode and stole away to my blanket, salivating at the thought of hours of good chewing I’d get out of my prize catch. Chew, chew, chew. Lick, lick, lick. Gag, gag (just a little to cleat the throat) and REPEAT.

The Christmas music was playing, the televised footage of the roaring fireplace was “warming” the scene (we were still enjoying flip-flops weather, but the ambiance we had created was winter wonderland cozy.) Everyone was talking, laughing and reveling in the Christmas spirit and I was throughly enjoying my “Christmas” snack. When Mama suddenly got the notion of taking pictures to capture the tender moment. I must admit I was a little distracted. I was still young and had not developed my full efficient canine guard machine skills. So I didn’t notice that she was looking for me to be in the picture too.

Gnaw… gnaw … lick, lick … chomp, chomp … then WHOOOPS, I suddenly sensed something wasn’t quite right! I looked up to find Mama STARING down at me, hands on her hips, chancleta-clad foot tapping furiously, and brown eyes blazing some serious Cuban disapproval. Stopping at mid chomp, I extricated the little lamb (which no longer looked particularly sweet and tender) from my mouth. Ay, caramba, I knew I was in mucho trouble! I tried my best to moisten my eyeballs for an emergency puppy/bambi-eyed look, pleading forgiveness. It is a self-preservation mechanism, you know. But there was no denying the facts, I had been caught in the act and enjoying it just a little too mucho. My only hope was to appear as contrite as a Chihuahua could be. We actually get a lot of practice at this art because, well, a Chihuahua will be a Chihuahua — low to the ground scroungers to the last!

And then as Mama bent over to snatch the lamb away and who knows what else, I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and concentrated on beaming a telepathic plea, “But Mama, Baby Jesus would not mind. He always forgives the Chica for her little trespasses.” I cringed, prepared for many of her more colorful Spanish words, spoken in that particular Cuban “volume and speed” that adjusts as her temper rises.  But then, somehow it WORKED!!!!! She sighed, patted my head and laughed as she carried what was left of the lamb away, shaking her head.

Mama's little lamb ... or what is left of it

That was the day that this Chica learned that Love IS the true meaning of Christmas. And I had not ruined the happy day. La Chica and the spirit of Christmas were here to stay.

Ever since I only get to see my little lamb from afar at Christmas time. Mama still puts out the same Nativity set, but my lamb stays up on the bookshelf. Ahhh … so close and yet so far. Its back left leg sticks out a little, in mangled fashion. Still, it reminds me of that first Christmas of my youth, the first with my awesome human family, and brings a sweet carol to my heart …

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