What next for the Chihuahua?

October 4, 2013 § Leave a comment


20131004-235417.jpgNo vote was taken. The mangy critter was staying. Tigger and I needed to resolve ourselves to deal with the infiltrator. And just before the girl went back to school that fateful fall, we found out that the furry, uninvited guest now known as Fernando, was named after her favorite futbol star. Funny, little did we all know that soon the cute little precious would grow up into a beastie and start tackling us and playing foul with us just for fun. Stinker would have been more appropriate!

Everyone believed Fernando would settle down eventually. But as the weeks passed, NADA changed. His favorite pastimes? Wrestling poor Tigger, who is no spring chicken. And then there was the chase the Chihuahua, pounce and chew on her butt. Nope, this Chico may have been pretty to look at, but the hombre had a fickle streak, and muchos tricks up his sleeves. Que cute, my foot!
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(Looks so innocent! Yeah, right!)

Oh, and hang on to your pantalones, turned out he even liked to eat Cheerios! My Cheerios!! What was this world coming to when even a Chica’s morning ritual “fetching” of the Cheerios was no longer sacred! Ay, Dios!

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Look! Evidence: Hit and run! Call my lawyer!!!

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Oh, oh, infiltrators in the Chihuahua’s casa

September 18, 2013 § 1 Comment


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Oh, my friends, I know I have been way too quiet, absent all together, really. I’ll need to catch you all up on a whole lot. But listen to my tale and you’ll not only forgive the Chica, but you’ll understand the whackiness of the twilight zone I’ve been caught in. It all began about a year ago …

I guess you could say I was sleeping on the job that night, but all seemed quiet on the prairie and it was 1:30 am! Way past my bedtime. When apparently, in the dead of night, two infiltrators snuck onto this Chica’s territory. And Mama being a softie, she fell for their sad mewing and big shinning, pitiful eyes. Oh, the poor things (right?!!!!!!) pathetic!!

But before I could say, “uno momento, por favor,” Mama and her accomplices (the kids) where out there on the front walk trying to lure the skittish, frightened and “helpless” little creatures. Aww, they they looked so scrawny. They must be starving. How long had the poor dears been out there all alone?

Ole Tigger and I soon caught on to what was going on just outside the door. OK, so we had gotten to the Alamo stand a little slow and it was already looking bad for the home team. But it WAS late as I said and we were half asleep. Tigger glared fiercely out the window while I started barking trying to shoo the mangy things away from my property, but all I ended up doing was waking Dad up. He came to see what all the ruckus was about so I figured he would take our side and we’d stand our ground together. But he took one look outside, sighed deeply, shook his head in defeat and went back to bed. What?!?!

Whoosh! They captured the first critter. You could say he was the less bright of them two geniuses. Throw a little food out, wave a little twig and GOTCHA! Seriously dude, you fell for that? So much for survival instinct. Off he was whisked into the garage. Hey, maybe it would be OK, so long as they stayed out there and did not infiltrate the casa we could work out some territorial arrangement.

Seeing what happened to his bro, the other pesky critter caught on quick. He scooted into the bushes and stared suspiciously at the humans trying to soothe him and con him out. There were a couple of forays into the open and failed attempts at grabbing the biestie, but the varmit was too slick and fast. However, Mama is nothing if not determined and patient. She just sat out there pretending not to care and playing with the food and the twigs, with an “innocent” looking towel just laying there. I gave up on the barking, both because Dad was threatening to throw a shoe at me and because this was actually becoming an entertaining spectacle, a true showdown if not at high noon.

As I could have told the silly cato, eventually that patience and the Mama won out. On the third pass near arm’s reach, Mama struck out like lightning and houdinied the cat into the towel where the flailing and slashing was soon contained.

Off to the garage went little Cato number two. Mama and her crew set up some rudimentary accommodations — water, food and a litter box. So OK, I thought, as only the approved individuals came back inside and everyone agreed to go to bed. We’d all gather like sensible family members and discuss what to do with the refugees in the mañana. Humph!!! You bet your frijoles we would.

Nobody asked me!

May 21, 2013 § Leave a comment


Are you thinking it has been too quiet on the Chihuahua from western Florida front? Well, amigos, you are right. But actually much has been happening in the last year. It is the Chica that has had a little trouble keeping up. But you’ll soon understand. Allow me to catch you up with my cuento …

You see, there came a new Cato to town. “Que?!?” You say? Well, so did I! But I am getting ahead of myself. Let me tell you the story from way back when all this madness began. My therapist says it will help me “process.” Si, como no! Right?

As you might imagine, were having a great summer. The kids came home from college. We laughed, we played, there was mucho belly rubbing and chihuahua adoration during family movie nights. I was in my glory, soaking it all in and trying to forget that August would ever come around. The familia went on a couple of summer trips to which I was not invited (still working on forgiveness for those) but they came back to me every time and made up for leaving me behind with extra treats and scratchies.

Unfortunately, time does fly when la Chica is having fun and before we knew it we were packing the kids up to go back to college. Can you believe it? Our girl was going to be a senior, our boy a sophomore already!

But just as August came and the unavoidable sadness began to descend upon the household, POW, there came what will forever be known as the Cat-tastrophe of 2012. Stay tuned for more episodes of the tail that would not quit … Ferrrrrrrrrnando.

Chihuahua temptations threaten

February 8, 2012 § Leave a comment


What would you do? I am just soooooooo tempted sometimes! Are these tests in my life meant to break my resolve to be a good girl? Because Mama always tells me to “be good” right before she leaves for work. And I do have the best of intentions. But, ay caramba, there is only so much willpower packed into a little Chica!

First there is Dad, who has been slipping lately, even after Mama warned him about closing the drawer to his nightstand. You see, that is where he keeps his earplugs. They look a lot like my little carrots. And well, let’s just say I’ve been known to snarf those puppies right up. No questions asked.

Pops is also a little careless leaving the TV trays ever so close to my couch, especially when he comes home for a quick lunch and then has to rush off. I know I’m not supposed to climb onto the tables. Mama explained that quite clearly (in Spanish and English) the last time Dad left the chair pulled out from the dining room table after a big dinner with friends. Imagine my surprise when Mama came back into the room to get her drink. Ooops! Can you say, “stop, drop and freeze” and turn on the bambi eyes RIGHT away?!?

Oh and the best one came just the other day, when Mama herself left the pantry door just slightly open. Wh-wha-what?!?! The Cheerios box is within reach on the lower shelf. Are you crazy woman?!?! I may look dainty and delicate, but I assure you I could shred that big yellow box like a piñata in two seconds flat!!

I’m starting to get paranoid thinking she’s got some hidden camera just waiting to catch me. Pray for me, Chicos! The “higher ground” is a lofty goal for a short Chihuahua.

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A Christmas flea visits the Chihuahua

December 23, 2011 § Leave a comment


I don’t remember putting this on my Christmas list but it appears I’ve gotten a little early “present” for the holiday. Apparently the unseasonably warn weather here in Florida has inspired some fresh flea to hitch a ride on la Chica. Guess it read the blog and was trying to crash the party at Casa Chanel. And who can blame the opportunistic flea when mama is making the Noche Buena feast – Cuban pork, rice and frijoles negros, platanos maduros and a great big loaf of fluffy Cuban bread!! And our Christmas tree is smelling good and looking all shiny and sparkly. And our peeps are almost all home for the big Holiday!

But, ay Caramba, Amigos! The scratchies are not muy nice. This pulga is driving me crazy, and I in turn am keeping my peeps awake at night. It is a fast little bugger traveling rapido all over my back, making me twist and turn like a pretzel trying to bite it off. This princesa is NOT used to this impertinent intrusion and the undignified scratching behavior won’t do when it is time to put on my Christmas fine threads! As you can all imagine, it has been a little tough this week:

So on the 5th Day of Christmas my true loving Mama gave to meeeeeeee

… a warm bath in doggy oatmeal shampooooooo …

On the 4th day of Christmas my true loving familia gave to meeeeeeee

… a big smile when we thought the bug was goneeeeee …

On the 3rd day of Christmas la Chica gave to themmmmmmm

… another sleepless night when the pulga came backkkkkkk …

Now on the 2nd day of Christmas my true loving Mama will give to meeeeeeee

… another dunk (with essential oils added) and a “Better NOT see you later Señor fleaaaaaaaaaa!!!”

On the last day of Christmas my Girl will be saying to meeeeeeee

… “I’m home!!” to scratch your belly so there better be no fleaaaaaaaaaaaa!

So Rudolph, this year YOU better watch out. Since Señor Flea is getting his final eviction notice today, I’m leaving a little something for you to take back to the North Pole – a hitch hiking flea who messed with the wrong chica!

All pooped out from a sleepless night of scratching

The Chihuahua that almost ate Christmas

December 21, 2011 § 5 Comments


I just love all the excitement around the house at Christmas time. Mom, Dad and the kids go around decorating everything with pretty and sparkly things. The humans even bring a tree inside at my Casa! I say every dog needs their own tree — to chase squirrels up to (or maybe pesky catos, heh, heh); to rest by at the end of a good day’s labor (napping, er, I mean guarding the Casa all day); and, oooooooh, to explore the marvelous smells of nature! Every sniff is a new mystery that the Chica must investigate!

And the familia always has a great time setting the tree up. The kids each have special ornaments that they always put on the tree. Mama made the angel back when she and Dad first celebrated Christmas together. And Dad always reminds the Cato and I that we are not “allowed” to nap on the velvety tree skirt (sure, sure 😉 )

Christmas at Casa Chanel

Ah, these traditions always bring fond memories of Christmases past, in particular, my very first Christmas …

You see, there is this little lamb that came with the Nativity scene that Mama carefully puts out every year underneath the Christmas tree. I didn’t know it then, but it is the first Nativity scene she bought when she moved away from home. And well, though it is a little plastic lamb, it looked delectable to me then. Still does. So when all the peeps were looking the other way, I made my lightning-speed, precision attack and snatched that puppy up. I should have known better, but I was young and impulsive in those days. And I hadn’t learned just how much these precious traditions mean to my peeps.

I slunk off in my finest stealth mode and stole away to my blanket, salivating at the thought of hours of good chewing I’d get out of my prize catch. Chew, chew, chew. Lick, lick, lick. Gag, gag (just a little to cleat the throat) and REPEAT.

The Christmas music was playing, the televised footage of the roaring fireplace was “warming” the scene (we were still enjoying flip-flops weather, but the ambiance we had created was winter wonderland cozy.) Everyone was talking, laughing and reveling in the Christmas spirit and I was throughly enjoying my “Christmas” snack. When Mama suddenly got the notion of taking pictures to capture the tender moment. I must admit I was a little distracted. I was still young and had not developed my full efficient canine guard machine skills. So I didn’t notice that she was looking for me to be in the picture too.

Gnaw… gnaw … lick, lick … chomp, chomp … then WHOOOPS, I suddenly sensed something wasn’t quite right! I looked up to find Mama STARING down at me, hands on her hips, chancleta-clad foot tapping furiously, and brown eyes blazing some serious Cuban disapproval. Stopping at mid chomp, I extricated the little lamb (which no longer looked particularly sweet and tender) from my mouth. Ay, caramba, I knew I was in mucho trouble! I tried my best to moisten my eyeballs for an emergency puppy/bambi-eyed look, pleading forgiveness. It is a self-preservation mechanism, you know. But there was no denying the facts, I had been caught in the act and enjoying it just a little too mucho. My only hope was to appear as contrite as a Chihuahua could be. We actually get a lot of practice at this art because, well, a Chihuahua will be a Chihuahua — low to the ground scroungers to the last!

And then as Mama bent over to snatch the lamb away and who knows what else, I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and concentrated on beaming a telepathic plea, “But Mama, Baby Jesus would not mind. He always forgives the Chica for her little trespasses.” I cringed, prepared for many of her more colorful Spanish words, spoken in that particular Cuban “volume and speed” that adjusts as her temper rises.  But then, somehow it WORKED!!!!! She sighed, patted my head and laughed as she carried what was left of the lamb away, shaking her head.

Mama's little lamb ... or what is left of it

That was the day that this Chica learned that Love IS the true meaning of Christmas. And I had not ruined the happy day. La Chica and the spirit of Christmas were here to stay.

Ever since I only get to see my little lamb from afar at Christmas time. Mama still puts out the same Nativity set, but my lamb stays up on the bookshelf. Ahhh … so close and yet so far. Its back left leg sticks out a little, in mangled fashion. Still, it reminds me of that first Christmas of my youth, the first with my awesome human family, and brings a sweet carol to my heart …

La Chihuahua, a little chubby? I beg to differ!

November 17, 2011 § Leave a comment


Perfection, I tell you!

So I went to the Vet today and left in a big huff. Hard to believe, I know, from such an easy-going Chica like me. But let me tell you what happened and YOU be the judge.

I was due for my yearly check up and vaccinations, so Mama bundled me up and off we went to the Vet’s office. Never my favorite, but I was determined to get through it with dignity. Don’t get me wrong. Dr. B is a pretty nice guy, but all the poking and prodding that comes with the territory makes the chica muy cranky.

But I was wearing my best collar, pink and shiny. And Mama had just given me a bath a couple of days ago so I was fresh and fluffy. With the natural gleam in my eyes, I was the perfect specimen of the greatest dog breed on the planet, the Chihuahua.

When suddenly, I hear them talking over my head and Dr. B. starts to insinuate that I am a little bit “chunky.” QUE?!?!?! I protested. I am NOT chubby, Señor! I am a healthy, curvalicious latina chica!

Then the doctor started giving Mama some mumbo jumbo information about how giving pets treats is a psychological farce. He said humans tell themselves they do it out of guilt because they are eating and feel they must share. Others feel their pets are like their children and they like to spoil them, just a little. Some simply think that treats make their pets happy (I like those people). But Dr. B and some fancy-schmancy psychologist he heard speak at a conference believe that it is nothing but instant gratification … for the HUMAN!!!! That there is no bonding or reinforcement benefit to the pet!

So, wait. First he calls me fat and THEN he tells my Mama that giving me treats is actually hurting me?!?! How DARE he mess around with my precious bits of turkey from Dad’s sandwiches; or with my tender morsels of chicken and my fluffy tidbits of rice when Mama is making dinner. Or the Taco Night cheeeeeeeese?!?!?! Are you crrrrrazzzzzy, chico?

He may have the medical degree, but he eeeeez not muy smart. I can guarantee that you can get a lot more ahem cooperation from this chica with the proper incentive!

So Mama, I am game for the extra walks and exercise. We can all use those. But don’t you forget, every little bit of me IS full of goodness for you to love. So pack my baby carrot sticks, Chica!!

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