February 15, 2012 § Leave a comment
Between the Christmas iPad and Mom’s new gift subscription to a certain dog magazine, I’m losing more and more precious lap time. And let me clarify, oh dear Mama, I don’t want just a little bit of space and time on your lap. This Chica, (nay, your Princess!!) is entitled to much more!
It is distressing enough to hear you call the iPad “your baby.” (Yes, I heard you!! And we’ll talk about that another time. Hrmph!) And I realize that el Cato was here before the Chica came in to complete your universe so I must share with him. But seriously, we are reaching critical mass here!
I know I’m small, but the Mama must admit that she is not all that tall herself. Not to get ugly, let’s just say the kids got their long limbs from Dad. So we are talking precious real estate.
So these new intrusions, fascinating as they may be to you, are seriously disturbing the carefully designed and balanced ecosystem we had going here for me. Let me explain:
Mama’s lap = My belly, all nice and warm = One content chihuahua = A happy and relaxed Mama
You see? It is like the circle of life (cue the Disney soundtrack with the deep Lion King drums rumbling their thundering proclamation that all of nature is in balance.) And admit it, there is no more perfect confirmation that the world is as it should be than one of my luxurious stretches after a long lap nap — when I reach out in all directions with my toes, yawn as wide as my jaw will allow, and then turn my head up to look at you and sigh in absolute contentment. It IS what makes the world go round.
So stop crowding me out, Mama. The lap is mine! ‘nough said!!
February 13, 2012 § 1 Comment
So if they can make little hand warmers that you can stick in humans’ gloves, could someone please get busy coming up with Chihuahua posterior warmers? I’m sure I’m not the only Chihuahua that lives in a house with tile floors. And when the thermometer plunges like it did yesterday here in Florida … Ay, Caramba (plus a few other choice words)! Let’s jut say I’m not getting out of bed TODAY!! You try it, chicos!
The Snuggy that Mom got me kinda works keeping me warmer, heinous as it may be. But it does nothing for my tender, well, um … butt.
I can picture pretty little pantaloons with a stylish little pocket on the backside to put the warmers in to keep my rear warm. I could even see a line for every occasion — sporty ones for walks around the neighborhood, stretchy ones to make your bum appear slim and trim, designer chic ones for social gatherings with blingy accents!
Here’s a template for any wise, enterprising designers looking to make mucho money. I tell you there is a huge population of cold Chihuahua rears out there just waiting. Remember, this is all in the name of World peace — a cold Chihuahua is a cranky Chihuahua.
November 17, 2011 § Leave a comment
So I went to the Vet today and left in a big huff. Hard to believe, I know, from such an easy-going Chica like me. But let me tell you what happened and YOU be the judge.
I was due for my yearly check up and vaccinations, so Mama bundled me up and off we went to the Vet’s office. Never my favorite, but I was determined to get through it with dignity. Don’t get me wrong. Dr. B is a pretty nice guy, but all the poking and prodding that comes with the territory makes the chica muy cranky.
But I was wearing my best collar, pink and shiny. And Mama had just given me a bath a couple of days ago so I was fresh and fluffy. With the natural gleam in my eyes, I was the perfect specimen of the greatest dog breed on the planet, the Chihuahua.
When suddenly, I hear them talking over my head and Dr. B. starts to insinuate that I am a little bit “chunky.” QUE?!?!?! I protested. I am NOT chubby, Señor! I am a healthy, curvalicious latina chica!
Then the doctor started giving Mama some mumbo jumbo information about how giving pets treats is a psychological farce. He said humans tell themselves they do it out of guilt because they are eating and feel they must share. Others feel their pets are like their children and they like to spoil them, just a little. Some simply think that treats make their pets happy (I like those people). But Dr. B and some fancy-schmancy psychologist he heard speak at a conference believe that it is nothing but instant gratification … for the HUMAN!!!! That there is no bonding or reinforcement benefit to the pet!
So, wait. First he calls me fat and THEN he tells my Mama that giving me treats is actually hurting me?!?! How DARE he mess around with my precious bits of turkey from Dad’s sandwiches; or with my tender morsels of chicken and my fluffy tidbits of rice when Mama is making dinner. Or the Taco Night cheeeeeeeese?!?!?! Are you crrrrrazzzzzy, chico?
He may have the medical degree, but he eeeeez not muy smart. I can guarantee that you can get a lot more ahem cooperation from this chica with the proper incentive!
So Mama, I am game for the extra walks and exercise. We can all use those. But don’t you forget, every little bit of me IS full of goodness for you to love. So pack my baby carrot sticks, Chica!!
July 30, 2011 § 5 Comments
Sigh … I guess there is no way around it. We’ll soon be left behind as both of the kids go off to college. I tried to take one of those GED thingys which I found out on the internet might get you into this “college” place. But I had no idea what an isosceles triangle was. And who the heck is this Señor Shakespeare? What is up with that?! But did they ask me about Cosmo? The latest in Haute couture? Did they ask where Harry Potter found the last horcruxes? Nooooo.
And now that both our kids are off to college this fall, people say my human parents will be entering the “Mah and Pah” phase of their lives. Well, let me tell you, chicos, no one here is ready to drift quietly into the autumn of anything – not with a lively Chica like me in tha house.
I guess we’ll have to accept it – it will be different. I must admit that I’ve already started to notice some changes in our routines around the casa. But I am determined to make the best of it. Hey, at least for me there will be plusses to being the center of attention. I think we’re going to be seeing a lot more of:
- “TV dinners” – of course at our house that would be anything but Swansons. Mama and I are waaaaay too finicky and high maintenance for that. For us it will be the literally more dinners on the couch while watching TV – which of course means crumbs and tender tidbits aplenty for la Chica. It will be a whole new adventure in cuisine procurement 🙂 I should write a book, don’t you think?
- No more car pools, ballet classes or band practices = more time and the need to fill that void with activity. Can you say Chihuahua massage therapy? Painting Chihuahua portraits? Gardening? Oooo, I’m going to love digging up the yummy carrots!!!!
- There has already been a later-in-life fitness reality check. Mama and Dad are on the war path to health. Which works out to include more walks for the Chica, and therefore more yummy treats right after. I like, I like!!
- Date nights, we’ll have to work out the acceptable terms there. I DO NOT believe that three is a crowd. ‘Nough said.
- More interesting friends will likely be visiting. More Ooooos and Ahhhhhs at the cute, adorable Chica.
- I suppose there will also be more recliner time and well-worn slippers = more lap and belly-scratchin’ time.
God knows I’ll miss the kids, but looking at it like this one thing is for sure. Come fall, I’ll be Mama and Daddy’s little princess full-time!
May 26, 2011 § 2 Comments
Wow! I think the coast is clear!! The visiting “critters” are gone and my world getting is back to normal now. I had heard mama talking for weeks about some “nephew” thingies coming to our house, and something called “babysitting” that she couldn’t WAIT to do. Sounded kinda fun, but I had NOOOOO idea my world was about to …
I tell you it was like an invasion from outer space! They came with all these strange contraptions I’d never seen before – inflatable beds (very unstable if you ask me, I rolled right off!), inflatable bathtubs, an all-terrain vehicle called a “stroller” (watch out!), and a throne/mission control seat referred to as the “high chair.” From this “high chair” whenever the nephew “called,” all my peeps would scramble to serve and bring him food offerings. He seemed to be the one in charge of this whole takeover.
And you tell me. How come when they make stinky “presents” for Mama she laughs and plays with them while she cleans that up? She doesn’t think my surprises are that funny and cute! And trust me those were some real stiiiiiiinkers! The whole house smelled funky. What ARE those guys eating?!?!
Oh, and the apparent mind control power that those “nephews” have over my humans was unbelievable!! None of my favorite and usually fail-proof tricks seemed to work to gain me some attention, chicos. Oh no, no, no. They were all too busy chasing after those critters – playing with their toys, feeding them funny smelling “formulas” (that must be their secret power potion), giving them baths and talking in some strange language called “baby talk.” I have enough troubles trying to decipher human lingo. Now I was really lost.
And as for my Mama’s lap … GONE!!! Or should I say permanently occupied! Mi casa is NOT su casa, amigos!!
But the worst was the sleeping arrangements. No one seemed to be in their proper beds – my girl was on a couch, my boy on the other sofa and Mama kept changing rooms and going to sleep with the wiggly critter nephews. And I was unceremoniously shooed out of the rooms and left to sleep on the doggie bed! What?!?! No warm Mama to cuddle with?! Noooooooooooo …
Well, now they have moved on to the next part of their “visit” – the beach. I mean the nephew critters were cute – giggles, squeals and all – but I need my planet back to normal – where I am the princess AND in charge! Hrmph!! Mama was a little sad when they left, but I was not entirely sorry to see their humans come back to get them and ALL their gear. Heh, heh, their mothership was bursting at the seams when they pulled away.
I managed to take a picture before they blasted away so I could report them to NASA. You be on the lookout, amigos!!