Re-training Mom

April 25, 2014 § Leave a comment


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As I mentioned, Mom is now freelancing full-time as a graphic artist and web designer. But after years of trying to balance both a job and all the side stuff, she is really having to work at adjust to this new lifestyle. Don’t tell anyone, but she does a lot of walking around talking to herself and asking things like “what was I going to do next?” and “where did I leave my phone?” She is, como se dice, discombobulated. Look it up. I just added her picture on Wikipedia for clarification. But don’t tell her that either.

So ultra perceptive Chica that I am, I figured this was a great opportunity to turn into MY opportunity. You see, Mom has been muy busy for a couple of years trying to build up her business. And well, I don’t feel I have been appropriately pampered in the meantime. Mucho work = muy poco time for the Chica. Ah, it seems like ages, but I still remember the days of pretty dresses and fashion shows, public outings where I signed autographs and visited with my fans. Oh, and the treats! The treats that came so easily just for pure cuteness. I never had to jump through so many hoops, stare so intensely and incessantly at her noggin to get through to her, or come up with ever more clever ways to get a certain distracted someone’s attention as I’ve had to these past year and a half.

But, Chicos, it is a new day, isn’t it. (Bwahahaha!!! Insert villainous laugh here.) And here is how I see it going, de aqui pa’lante:

  1. Open eyes = rub my tummy and tell me what a precious princess I am. (Please allow a 1/2 hour minimum)
  2. Get up, (yes, you may grab your slippers if you must) then carry me to the kitchen to serve me breakfast first.
  3. Cafe, no doubt, but go ahead and start getting my Cheerios ready while you wait. You know I need my fiber to maintain este cuerpo.
  4. Lanai time to commune with nature. I get the lap to oversee the operations; cats get the lizards. (Please allow a 1/2 hour minimum)
  5. Dishes, email, blah-blah-blah … then mid-morning snack! I can get the catos to help with this one. They are simple-minded, easy to train creatures of habit like my human. I already have them stalking her in the kitchen and tackling her if she does not comply.
  6. Mom works, I get nappy time 🙂
  7. Lunch time = more snacks for moi. Carrots and oh, I don’t know, maybe nibbles of what ever you are eating. A chica’s work is never done. She did say she wanted to lose a couple of pounds 😉 didn’t she?
  8. More cafe, more lap time. Mom needs to learn to pace herself. (Please allow a 1/2 hour minimum)
  9. OK, back to work, but first I need to be tenderly propped on my sidekick-ottoman next to her computer chair and appropriately wrapped in my fluffy blanket. From there I conduct my eyes-closed “surveillance” duty, policing any movement along the casa. It is part of my Jedi Chica training. No questions, ask you may.
  10. Catos usually get a little pesky sometime around mid-afternoon, so Mom must let them back out to the lanai for more “hunting” practice (like the lizards don’t have it figured out by now). Silly cats. But we all get some fresh air. Que nice.
  11. More work, with regular petting of my belly. But by 5:30pm, my belly is too stimulated and starts to demand more attention. Is it dinner time? No? Well, I disagree. Please serve.
  12. 5:45, Dad gets home. But he may not realize I have already eaten. (Bwahahaha!!! Insert villainous laugh here too.)
  13. Around 6:30 I give them a break so they can eat. But I always offer to help “clean up” 😉
  14. Walk time!!!!! Much more on that to come, but suffice it to say that there are always treats after I “do” what I am supposed to “do” outside like a good Chica.
  15. 7:30pm, humans getting old now, will settle for DVR shows and a quiet evening =  unlimited lap time until I get carried off to bed.

Not a bad day’s work is it? Let me know if you need any tips on human conditioning training. Always glad to help my amigos.

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Hola, my Chihuahua amigos!

April 25, 2014 § 2 Comments


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Chanel, la Chica, has mucho to say

Yes, as I am sure you will agree, I think it is high time that I am back! My Mom has been muy busy with her design business, pero I think I must now put my delicate paw down and demand some attention, for the sake of my devoted fans, that is. I’d be too demure and humble to insist just for myself 😉

Where to begin?! It has been a long time, so rather than overwhelm you with my cuentos of woe, let me just say I am now living with three (Dios mio, yes 3!!) cato brothers: El viejo Tigger, my returned instrument of torture, Fernando, and the new fiend extraordinaire, Francisco. As you can imagine, nobody asked the Chica. And I am somewhat convinced that my Mom has finally lost her last marble. But what can a little Chica like me do? … Familia therapy, mijitos!

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El viejo Tigger

El Loco, Fernando

El Loco, Fernando

Francisco

Francisco (the jury is still out on this one, but I am thinking he was dropped on his head as a kitty)

So as part of my, er I mean, our therapy, I am making Madre keep up with this blog again. It is the least she can do to make up for the insulto (… tres gatos …estara loca esta mujer … que @!&^#$*!)  Wait, no, back to my happy place, back to my happy place – AyyyyyyOmmmmm!

Bueno, that is all for now. More to come later after my pedicure (another atonement effort)! Hola and adios, amigos!

 

 

Happy Father’s Day, to my Papi

June 16, 2012 § 3 Comments


Father's Day tie for a chihuahua's daddyTo the guy who:
Keeps my belly scratches going until mom gets home.

Sneaks me tidbits when he is carving that yummilicious rotisserie chicken.

Lifts me up onto the couch (and eventually his lap) when I give him that pitiful look and no one is watching.

Puts up with me walking all over the bed (and him) in the middle of the night looking for a warm and cozy spot to snuggle into.

I tried to find the perfect gift for the perfect Daddy. I dragged Mama out, far and wide. You know how picky I can be. But alas, nothing seemed to capture just how I feel about you. Nothing would do.

So I enlisted Mama’s help to make you something truly ESPECIAL for you. I picked your (OK one of my favorite) colors. I packed a lot of love into every stitch and bedazzle. Mucho bling for my Papi!

I hope you like it. Now you can be a real knight in “shinning” armor for all to see. And I hope you know how much I love you.

Muchos kisses,

Your little Chica

Chihuahuas may be creatures of habit, but this lizard is an idiot

March 19, 2012 § 1 Comment


This week during my afternoon walks, while I performed my regular neighborhood inspection as big-kahuna-head-honcho-brava-sherrif in the barrio, I noticed a particular lawn ornament with a little something extra. I notice everything, of course, keen observer that I am. So after about the third day in a row of this spectacle, I thought to myself: Seriously? Everyday, same place, same time? I know I demand my feedings, walks and belly scratching sessions on my carefully crafted schedule. I am a creature of excellent habits. But what you are up to is just stupid amigo.

I’m not an alpha predator, more of an alpha female by natural selection and proud of it. Still I noticed you there without even trying, chico!

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With you so clearly standing near the bottom of the ole food chain, are you really going to flaunt yourself on a regular basis like that? It’s just too easy.

Trust me, pal. As a petite little brown morsel who might be confused with a squirrel from 40 feet up in the air, I know what I’m talking about. And who could blame them. I’m irresistible! So I make mucho noise and stay on guard when I’m out and about. You need a little more strategy, dude. There are muchos big birds in our land of paradise. I advice you to keep lively. I love to bask in the sun too, but mix it up a bit. Keep them guessing.

Well, we’ll see how this turns out. For now, I’ve decided to call my lizard friend Pedro – not muy swift, but steady as a rock 😉 I’ll keep an eye out for my new amigo, but with all those big hungry birds around these here parts, I theeenk he better say his prayers or stay on his toes. High noon and a nice caliente juicy lizard spells LUNCH!

Chihuahua Contributions to Nature (rated G)

March 15, 2012 § Leave a comment


No, my Mama has not lost her senses (not entirely) with that headline. Even she will admit not everything I do on our afternoon walks is adorable. But this little contribution on my part to help the birds and the bees in their spring effort is worth sharing here.

As you all know, we have had an unusual spring season, even for Florida. More of a Wintring. And the confused oak trees are pollinating early and como loco ’round the hood. I assure you, with my height “advantage” I’m the perfect authority to report on the phenomenon. There are record HEAPS of pollen collecting on the ground. Weeeeee! (runs around and breaks into song: “The street gutters are aliveeeeeee, with the mounds of pohhhhh-llennnnnn … La, la, la laaaaaa!”)

But while I’m having fun frolicking through the fluffy yellow mess, it’s not so much fun for my poor human. Let’s just say those are not just doggy ____ bags in Mama’s pocket when we go out these days. (Insider trade tip: Buy stock in Kleenex and/or Puff tissues!!) Muchos tissues EVERYWHERE for Mama. She is a sneezing menace when we take our walks. No matter what expert stealth techniques I try to use, and I have many, I can’t even sneak up on a stupid squirrel – they hear us coming a mile away.

As for La Chica, no adverse allergy effects to report. The pollen and the sneezing just seems to make me giddy. So here is a little film clip to cheer Mama and all the allergy sufferers out there. I like to title it: Viva la Spring Loca! (Subtitle: Spreading the love and the pollen all over tha’ place and the couch. Ole!)

Pollen giddy Chihuahua

Mama says the Chihuahua is a little “pushy”? I don’t beg, but I do differ!!

February 21, 2012 § 5 Comments


Chanel the ChihuahuaWisdom Diva "talks"Moi? Oh, no-no-no, Chica! “Assertive” or maybe “naturally confident” would be a fairer description. If you check my contract (ahem, again), you’ll see my “entitlements” clearly listed – Princess in residence will have her way. But let’s be reasonable. Think of it. This little noggin can only hold sooooo much greatness. I must express my amazing mind. It is never good to staunch the gift of a creative genius or hold one’s feelings inside. (Isn’t that the point of this blog?)

So, Mama, don’t judge. Simply accept the little gift that is ME. To make it easier for you to understand my “terms,” let us review un poco:

  • one short loud bark = “Hello?!?!?! Pay attention, please.”
  • whine, whine = “Walk time, NOW!”
  • whine, bark = “Treat? Or to be more precise: TREAT!!”
  • yip, yip, stamping of feet = “Sit down, woman. It is lap time.”
  • snort, snort, hrmph = “OK, OK. The Cato can sit on your lap too.”
  • whine, whine, grrrrrrrrrrrr… = “Time for bed already, chica. Let’s go!”
  • whine, whine, push push = “I’m going under the blanket NOW so move over.”

You see? I DO make myself quite clear, Mama. You listen, life is peachy. I am not pushy, I am a Chihuahua — short, sweet and to the point!

It’s getting a little too close ’round here for chihuahua comfort

February 15, 2012 § Leave a comment


Between the Christmas iPad and Mom’s new gift subscription to a certain dog magazine, I’m losing more and more precious lap time. And let me clarify, oh dear Mama, I don’t want just a little bit of space and time on your lap. This Chica, (nay, your Princess!!) is entitled to much more!

It is distressing enough to hear you call the iPad “your baby.” (Yes, I heard you!! And we’ll talk about that another time. Hrmph!) And I realize that el Cato was here before the Chica came in to complete your universe so I must share with him. But seriously, we are reaching critical mass here!

I know I’m small, but the Mama must admit that she is not all that tall herself. Not to get ugly, let’s just say the kids got their long limbs from Dad. So we are talking precious real estate.

So these new intrusions, fascinating as they may be to you, are seriously disturbing the carefully designed and balanced ecosystem we had going here for me. Let me explain:

Mama’s lap = My belly, all nice and warm = One content chihuahua = A happy and relaxed Mama

You see? It is like the circle of life (cue the Disney soundtrack with the deep Lion King drums rumbling their thundering proclamation that all of nature is in balance.) And admit it, there is no more perfect confirmation that the world is as it should be than one of my luxurious stretches after a long lap nap — when I reach out in all directions with my toes, yawn as wide as my jaw will allow, and then turn my head up to look at you and sigh in absolute contentment. It IS what makes the world go round.

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So stop crowding me out, Mama. The lap is mine! ‘nough said!!

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