Re-training Mom

April 25, 2014 § Leave a comment


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As I mentioned, Mom is now freelancing full-time as a graphic artist and web designer. But after years of trying to balance both a job and all the side stuff, she is really having to work at adjust to this new lifestyle. Don’t tell anyone, but she does a lot of walking around talking to herself and asking things like “what was I going to do next?” and “where did I leave my phone?” She is, como se dice, discombobulated. Look it up. I just added her picture on Wikipedia for clarification. But don’t tell her that either.

So ultra perceptive Chica that I am, I figured this was a great opportunity to turn into MY opportunity. You see, Mom has been muy busy for a couple of years trying to build up her business. And well, I don’t feel I have been appropriately pampered in the meantime. Mucho work = muy poco time for the Chica. Ah, it seems like ages, but I still remember the days of pretty dresses and fashion shows, public outings where I signed autographs and visited with my fans. Oh, and the treats! The treats that came so easily just for pure cuteness. I never had to jump through so many hoops, stare so intensely and incessantly at her noggin to get through to her, or come up with ever more clever ways to get a certain distracted someone’s attention as I’ve had to these past year and a half.

But, Chicos, it is a new day, isn’t it. (Bwahahaha!!! Insert villainous laugh here.) And here is how I see it going, de aqui pa’lante:

  1. Open eyes = rub my tummy and tell me what a precious princess I am. (Please allow a 1/2 hour minimum)
  2. Get up, (yes, you may grab your slippers if you must) then carry me to the kitchen to serve me breakfast first.
  3. Cafe, no doubt, but go ahead and start getting my Cheerios ready while you wait. You know I need my fiber to maintain este cuerpo.
  4. Lanai time to commune with nature. I get the lap to oversee the operations; cats get the lizards. (Please allow a 1/2 hour minimum)
  5. Dishes, email, blah-blah-blah … then mid-morning snack! I can get the catos to help with this one. They are simple-minded, easy to train creatures of habit like my human. I already have them stalking her in the kitchen and tackling her if she does not comply.
  6. Mom works, I get nappy time 🙂
  7. Lunch time = more snacks for moi. Carrots and oh, I don’t know, maybe nibbles of what ever you are eating. A chica’s work is never done. She did say she wanted to lose a couple of pounds 😉 didn’t she?
  8. More cafe, more lap time. Mom needs to learn to pace herself. (Please allow a 1/2 hour minimum)
  9. OK, back to work, but first I need to be tenderly propped on my sidekick-ottoman next to her computer chair and appropriately wrapped in my fluffy blanket. From there I conduct my eyes-closed “surveillance” duty, policing any movement along the casa. It is part of my Jedi Chica training. No questions, ask you may.
  10. Catos usually get a little pesky sometime around mid-afternoon, so Mom must let them back out to the lanai for more “hunting” practice (like the lizards don’t have it figured out by now). Silly cats. But we all get some fresh air. Que nice.
  11. More work, with regular petting of my belly. But by 5:30pm, my belly is too stimulated and starts to demand more attention. Is it dinner time? No? Well, I disagree. Please serve.
  12. 5:45, Dad gets home. But he may not realize I have already eaten. (Bwahahaha!!! Insert villainous laugh here too.)
  13. Around 6:30 I give them a break so they can eat. But I always offer to help “clean up” 😉
  14. Walk time!!!!! Much more on that to come, but suffice it to say that there are always treats after I “do” what I am supposed to “do” outside like a good Chica.
  15. 7:30pm, humans getting old now, will settle for DVR shows and a quiet evening =  unlimited lap time until I get carried off to bed.

Not a bad day’s work is it? Let me know if you need any tips on human conditioning training. Always glad to help my amigos.

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Oh, oh, infiltrators in the Chihuahua’s casa

September 18, 2013 § 1 Comment


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Oh, my friends, I know I have been way too quiet, absent all together, really. I’ll need to catch you all up on a whole lot. But listen to my tale and you’ll not only forgive the Chica, but you’ll understand the whackiness of the twilight zone I’ve been caught in. It all began about a year ago …

I guess you could say I was sleeping on the job that night, but all seemed quiet on the prairie and it was 1:30 am! Way past my bedtime. When apparently, in the dead of night, two infiltrators snuck onto this Chica’s territory. And Mama being a softie, she fell for their sad mewing and big shinning, pitiful eyes. Oh, the poor things (right?!!!!!!) pathetic!!

But before I could say, “uno momento, por favor,” Mama and her accomplices (the kids) where out there on the front walk trying to lure the skittish, frightened and “helpless” little creatures. Aww, they they looked so scrawny. They must be starving. How long had the poor dears been out there all alone?

Ole Tigger and I soon caught on to what was going on just outside the door. OK, so we had gotten to the Alamo stand a little slow and it was already looking bad for the home team. But it WAS late as I said and we were half asleep. Tigger glared fiercely out the window while I started barking trying to shoo the mangy things away from my property, but all I ended up doing was waking Dad up. He came to see what all the ruckus was about so I figured he would take our side and we’d stand our ground together. But he took one look outside, sighed deeply, shook his head in defeat and went back to bed. What?!?!

Whoosh! They captured the first critter. You could say he was the less bright of them two geniuses. Throw a little food out, wave a little twig and GOTCHA! Seriously dude, you fell for that? So much for survival instinct. Off he was whisked into the garage. Hey, maybe it would be OK, so long as they stayed out there and did not infiltrate the casa we could work out some territorial arrangement.

Seeing what happened to his bro, the other pesky critter caught on quick. He scooted into the bushes and stared suspiciously at the humans trying to soothe him and con him out. There were a couple of forays into the open and failed attempts at grabbing the biestie, but the varmit was too slick and fast. However, Mama is nothing if not determined and patient. She just sat out there pretending not to care and playing with the food and the twigs, with an “innocent” looking towel just laying there. I gave up on the barking, both because Dad was threatening to throw a shoe at me and because this was actually becoming an entertaining spectacle, a true showdown if not at high noon.

As I could have told the silly cato, eventually that patience and the Mama won out. On the third pass near arm’s reach, Mama struck out like lightning and houdinied the cat into the towel where the flailing and slashing was soon contained.

Off to the garage went little Cato number two. Mama and her crew set up some rudimentary accommodations — water, food and a litter box. So OK, I thought, as only the approved individuals came back inside and everyone agreed to go to bed. We’d all gather like sensible family members and discuss what to do with the refugees in the mañana. Humph!!! You bet your frijoles we would.

Spring grooming tips for (from) the Chihuahua

April 29, 2012 § 2 Comments


Ahhh, to spoil the spoiled. That is what life should be about. There is way too much human time spent on work, chores and errands, if you ask me. A better and much more enjoyable spring “cleaning” day in dog-topia would look something like this:

1. Open eyes, pet the Chihuahua’s belly. Gently please, she has just woken up.
2. Rise (only after the Chihuahua cuddle and love morning session has been satisfied) stretch and go prepare a scrumptious breakfast with a side of Cheerios for the Princess. Yes, you are allowed to make your cafecito at this time as well. This promises to be a long day.
3. Short nap. As my Abuela always said, one must wait 20 minutes after eating before going in the water. You run the risk of having a “pa-ta-tu” and dropping dead on the spot. Cuidado, chicos!
4. You might as well take the Princess for an early walk so she won’t get all dirty after her nice bubble bath. Treat should follow as per usual.
5. Run said nice warm bubble bath. Mama always puts a drop of lavender essential oil in mine to soothe the nerves. Gently lower the less than cooperative Chihuahua into the water. She’ll likely (eventually) acquiesce.
6. Have fluffy plush towel ready (preferably warmed in the drier) for when the shivering drippy Chihuahua gets out of the tub (ah, ok, sink).
7. Thoroughly knead the Chica’s fur to a perfect fluff, removing excess water. He/she will still shake, rattle and roll and get you all wet (a little payback is to be expected), but will dry quicker with a little help.
8. Many soothing compliments and a treat for the Precious are in order.
9. Though this part might require a sedative, a trip to the groomer for nail clipping, quickly followed by many more treats to help the Chihuahua forget the traumatic experience, will complete the spring cleaning effort. I would not recommend teeth cleaning at this juncture. You’d be doing so at your own risk.
10. Much praise and love should be showered (figuratively, please) on the “nice, clean, pretty girl.”

Please understand the lack of cooperation in picture taking sessions. Good luck and may the Fuerza be with you!

Mama says the Chihuahua is a little “pushy”? I don’t beg, but I do differ!!

February 21, 2012 § 5 Comments


Chanel the ChihuahuaWisdom Diva "talks"Moi? Oh, no-no-no, Chica! “Assertive” or maybe “naturally confident” would be a fairer description. If you check my contract (ahem, again), you’ll see my “entitlements” clearly listed – Princess in residence will have her way. But let’s be reasonable. Think of it. This little noggin can only hold sooooo much greatness. I must express my amazing mind. It is never good to staunch the gift of a creative genius or hold one’s feelings inside. (Isn’t that the point of this blog?)

So, Mama, don’t judge. Simply accept the little gift that is ME. To make it easier for you to understand my “terms,” let us review un poco:

  • one short loud bark = “Hello?!?!?! Pay attention, please.”
  • whine, whine = “Walk time, NOW!”
  • whine, bark = “Treat? Or to be more precise: TREAT!!”
  • yip, yip, stamping of feet = “Sit down, woman. It is lap time.”
  • snort, snort, hrmph = “OK, OK. The Cato can sit on your lap too.”
  • whine, whine, grrrrrrrrrrrr… = “Time for bed already, chica. Let’s go!”
  • whine, whine, push push = “I’m going under the blanket NOW so move over.”

You see? I DO make myself quite clear, Mama. You listen, life is peachy. I am not pushy, I am a Chihuahua — short, sweet and to the point!

This Chihuahua is getting in line for a canine massage

February 4, 2012 § 1 Comment


Chanel the chuhuahua is full of chihuahua wisdomI have found love: Spartacus Brownie Von Lickety Jones Jr.

OK, so I have been in love before. I am admittedly a little A.D.D. And to complicate matters I am a diva princess and just entitled to mood swings. It is in the fine print. But seriously, Señor Spartacus has captured my heart with his poetic letter to his Mama. From the very start, I knew we were kindred spirits. Read for yourselves:

“Dear Mom,

You think it’s easy dozing most of the day, begging for biscuits, nipping at your heels, and barking at squirrels?

Okay, it is …”

The simple joy in his expressions. The careless tone of his truths. The fluidly woven tale, leading his Mama and the reader right to the point: GET IT, WANT IT NOW!!  Need I say more? Well, whether or not I need to, I will. Simply to point out to all my chicos and one specific Mama that we must look into this recommendation of his on the dailycandy.com:

Buddha Dog’s Canine Masseuse Shows Us the Proper Technique

Ahh … the kneading … the skin rolling … stretching my little legs … in between my toes … just so, behind and to the tips of my bat ears … ahhhhhhhhhhhh ….

Dog Massage video clip on DailyCandy.com

OMG, la Chica is melting at the thought. Mama, get busy learning these techniques. If I can’t get to Cali anytime soon, I WANT THIS ANYWAY. Apparently these are also good for the human doing the dog massaging. Not that it would be a requirement, but I am into bonuses 😉 and I’m always looking out for your well-being.

And as for you, my Romeo-Sparticus, ‘Til we meet someday …”

A Christmas flea visits the Chihuahua

December 23, 2011 § Leave a comment


I don’t remember putting this on my Christmas list but it appears I’ve gotten a little early “present” for the holiday. Apparently the unseasonably warn weather here in Florida has inspired some fresh flea to hitch a ride on la Chica. Guess it read the blog and was trying to crash the party at Casa Chanel. And who can blame the opportunistic flea when mama is making the Noche Buena feast – Cuban pork, rice and frijoles negros, platanos maduros and a great big loaf of fluffy Cuban bread!! And our Christmas tree is smelling good and looking all shiny and sparkly. And our peeps are almost all home for the big Holiday!

But, ay Caramba, Amigos! The scratchies are not muy nice. This pulga is driving me crazy, and I in turn am keeping my peeps awake at night. It is a fast little bugger traveling rapido all over my back, making me twist and turn like a pretzel trying to bite it off. This princesa is NOT used to this impertinent intrusion and the undignified scratching behavior won’t do when it is time to put on my Christmas fine threads! As you can all imagine, it has been a little tough this week:

So on the 5th Day of Christmas my true loving Mama gave to meeeeeeee

… a warm bath in doggy oatmeal shampooooooo …

On the 4th day of Christmas my true loving familia gave to meeeeeeee

… a big smile when we thought the bug was goneeeeee …

On the 3rd day of Christmas la Chica gave to themmmmmmm

… another sleepless night when the pulga came backkkkkkk …

Now on the 2nd day of Christmas my true loving Mama will give to meeeeeeee

… another dunk (with essential oils added) and a “Better NOT see you later Señor fleaaaaaaaaaa!!!”

On the last day of Christmas my Girl will be saying to meeeeeeee

… “I’m home!!” to scratch your belly so there better be no fleaaaaaaaaaaaa!

So Rudolph, this year YOU better watch out. Since Señor Flea is getting his final eviction notice today, I’m leaving a little something for you to take back to the North Pole – a hitch hiking flea who messed with the wrong chica!

All pooped out from a sleepless night of scratching

A sweet, delightful morsel to go with your morning coffee

November 10, 2011 § Leave a comment


I know, I know. I’m just delicious 🙂

Muy yummy Chica

Aren’t you glad I’m back in your lives? I missed you too. Not being able to stay in touch on this blog was torture for all of us, wasn’t it. But I AM back in charge now. So no more problema, chicos.

Now since I’ve been away for a while, I would like to review why La Chica (that eeeeeeez me) is muy special and recommended for your heart health:

  • I’m cute. Not up for discussion.
  • I am compact and easy to take everywhere. Have smart phone? I come weeeeth you!
  • I am high maintenance, but well worth it.
  • I am muy wise and have no problem dispensing my priceless advise.
  • I do get into some messes, but due to my size, they don’t amount to muy mucho.
  • If I do make trouble, I just turn on these big brown eyes and … “poof,” all is forgotten.
  • I’m sure to brighten your buenos dias.

For my part, I subscribe to the “good things come in small packages” philosophy. It makes my world go ’round. My zen zinging. Wouldn’t you agree?

So smile muy preeeetty and have a great Chihuahua day! Keeeeesses 😉

* * * * *

PS: I have not forgotten about the Chihuahua Photo Fiesta we started before my little disappearance act. (And we know who to send all the complaints about that to, don’t we 😉 )

I’ve put the ole thinkin’ sombrero on my precious little noggin’, and I’m figuring out how to liven up that party just a leeeettle bit so we can all have some fun. Updates to come soon. But first we’ll picante things up again at Casa ChihuahuaWisdom. OK, Chicos?

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