Chihuahua food critic has some recommendations from the kitchen floor

June 4, 2010 § Leave a comment

Chanel the food critic offers up some advice

Vast culinary expertise from the kitchen floor

Like Mama, like daughter. Another aspect of our great relationship centers around our mutually finicky eating preferences. Dad has tried to inspire us to try new foods so many times. And we know it is coming when he starts with the usual, “you don’t know what you are missing!” But as Mom patiently explains,  one just “doesn’t miss things that never appealed to me.”

I’ll try to illustrate with some for instances:

On the way out with evolution

Chicken wings – So what’s with all the hullabaloo about chicken wings? Whole restaurants dedicated to this “delicacy?” And an assortment of flavors!?!?! I just don’t get it. No BBQ sauce is going to help much. Mom and I are of one mind here – when it comes to chicken wings, there is no use for them stringy, rubbery appendages soon to disappear in the evolutionary process. Even the chickens gave up on them a long time ago!!

Classic salads – Fur real, folks, everyone below humans on the food chain knows that God intended that for the bunnies. I’ll snack on a little clover now and then for fresh breath, but choosing to sit in front of a trough of green clippings, I just don’t see it. Daddy makes a whole production chopping, rinsing, draining, tossing. I say, leave it for the ruminants. Next!

Seafood – Boy, oh boy, this one is a real mystery. Think about it? When you are wondering if your milk has gone bad, or if the leftovers in the fridge are just a little too ripe, what do you do? Smell them. Nature kindly provided both humans and Chihuahuas with fabulous noses – and I think the intent was for us to be able to discriminate on what we eat. Now tell me, have you ever met a good smelling lobster? A fish? No offense, Daddy, but really?!?!?!? There ARE various good reasons why those creatures live under water. Open the windows, Dude!

arroz con frijoles

Heavenly Cuban feast

But really, I don’t see us as finicky at all. We just have more refined taste. May I offer some advice? Hang out in the kitchen with me when Mom is making some good rice and frijoles negros. And of course that Cuban staple wouldn’t be complete without some roast pork. Ahhh, from the sizzling sofrito to the final basting of the tender pork your mouth will be watering!

Or how about when Mom gets a little more international and whips up a divine lasagna, topped with perfectly baked, golden mozzarella. I love it when she is sprinkling the cheese just before putting it in the oven. Ah, the lovely soft cheese tumbling down off the counter like slow flakes. Don’t get me started.

And how about a thin, tender palomilla steak, grilling over low heat – the aroma, the light mist of the oil lightly flavored by the marinade raining down on the tile floor, just for me to savor.  Now we’re talking. This is real food.

So tell me that Mom and I don’t have this right? You make your choice. But I know whose feet I’m hanging around in the kitchen. Is it dinnertime yet?!?!?!


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